15 Mar Music, Motherhood, and Money: How to Adjust When Daycare Rules All
Parenthood doesn’t have to mean giving up your passions — but it might mean adjusting the scope.
Before kids, I was always on the go. Two jobs, three bands, blogs, other blogs, other jobs… I constantly had to occupy myself. Now, my toddlers do that for me! Even after they go to bed, there’s always another load of laundry to wash or an Unidentified Sticky Substance to clean.
Still, while we had our first child at 36 and 41, respectively, my husband Jim and I had no intention of leaving the underground music scene we’d been part of for more than two decades. But over the past few years (and with the addition of another kid!), we’ve seen how the family budget shapes our musical pursuits.
In particular, childcare costs have become the central factor that dictates everything else.
[SEE RELATED: MAKING THE PARENT BAND WORK]
From Day Zero to the first day of kindergarten, childcare will rule many families’ budgets. Whether you pay for daycare or one partner stays home (thus losing income from outside work), all the other budget categories on your spreadsheet will adjust to meet this cost.
And that includes mom and dad’s rock band. Even with our kids attending daycare part-time, my family still paid more than $13,000 in 2023. That’s two almost-maxed-out Roth IRAs right there! This expense, while “not that bad” compared to what it could be, has reduced our savings rate and decreased the budget for nonessentials.
Striking a Balance
Obviously, we can’t leave our children in Pack n Plays while we go to work so we can contribute to our IRAs and go out on the weekends. While there’s no way around daycare costs, here are a few ways to make it less expensive so you have more time and money left over for music:
1. First, check if your workplace offers a dependent care flexible spending account. You will contribute pretax money (up to $5,000 for joint filers), submit receipts from a licensed childcare provider, and then be reimbursed for your claims. If you contribute the maximum amount, it will reduce your federal tax liability by around $1,000. (I say check because I think I’m “in the know” on anything that could save money, but I didn’t realize my employer offered this benefit until I was prompted to ask about it by my 403(b) guy.)
2. Check into the child and dependent care credit. Even if you cannot access a dependent care FSA, many people with childcare expenses can take advantage of the child and dependent care credit (which is different from the child tax credit). According to NerdWallet, this nonrefundable credit “covers up to 35% of up to $3,000 of child care and similar costs for a child under 13, spouse or parent unable to care for themselves, or another dependent so you can work — and up to $6,000 of expenses for two or more dependents.” You can claim this credit if you contribute to a dependent care FSA, but the amount may be reduced. (We did, it works!)
3. Be more selective about shows. My husband and I are in a band together, which was incredibly convenient before we had kids. Post-kids, not so much. We need to be selective with shows and set times. My mother will babysit (for free) on a weekend night every month or two, but we don’t want to be too presumptive with her time because she helps us with childcare during the week. When we do hire a babysitter so we can play out, it costs $80-$120 for the night — so we can’t do absurdly early load-ins, we can’t stay out til last call, we need to get paid, and that’s just how it is.
4. Embrace odd practice times. Shows also mean having to, uh, practice. My mom or a paid babysitter can help make that happen; other times, we can squeeze in a late afternoon practice before daycare pickup. We’ve also gotten creative – like practicing during “nap time.” We bang out the set and the kids are still able to get to sleep! So far they don’t seem too traumatized. We make sure to play their favorite song, “Prison Bound” by Social Distortion. (Yikes, hopefully that’s not a self-fulfilling prophecy lol…) When they get a little bigger, they’ll be able to come downstairs and practice with us.
5. Take advantage of free childcare if you can. Playing music — and many other aspects of our day-to-day lives — would be much harder without my mom providing free childcare two days each week and lots of flexibility beyond that. I’d have to write a whole new essay to describe her relationship with our kids and how she’s a pillar of The Village it takes to raise children. But focusing solely on the math, she saves us $640 each month through sharing her time with us. Without her help, there wouldn’t be money left over for us to hire a babysitter and pretend we’re rock stars. (This isn’t to leave out my dad’s side of the family. He and my former stepmother assisted us quite a bit after our first kid was born.)
I realize that not everyone can just call up Grandma and ask her to babysit for free. I’m including this because it’s honestly how we are able to afford to leave our house, ever.
Above all, we try to stay grateful. The fact is that Jim and I have been playing music together since 2008. Now we’re married with two toddlers and we’re still playing music. While we can’t afford to rehearse in an expensive space at our ideal jam time, we are lucky for other people’s support — and I’m incredibly thankful that we get to maintain this part of our lives.
So we’ve got enough extra cash to get a babysitter and play a show once in a while. (Thanks, Grandma!) But how will we ever get back to the recording studio? We’ll talk about that another day, but now I’ve got an Unidentified Sticky Substance to clean up!
Jessie May is a librarian, writer, and musician from Connecticut. She published Money Hacks for Metalheads and Old Millennials in 2020 to share vital personal finance information with her fellow underground musicians. The second edition is now available on Amazon. Subscribe to Jessie’s Substack for monthly music and personal finance musings.
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