About rockmommyct

I am a mother, writer, rock and roll musician, and guitar teacher.

Cardi B Fall Tour a ‘No Go’ as Singer Experiences the Pull of Motherhood

by Marisa Torrieri Bloom

Cardi B has discovered that motherhood changes “everything, everything, everything.” Like many of us, underestimated how hard it would be to bounce back to her music career post-baby — specifically that six weeks isn’t enough time to properly get back to work, mentally or physically. 

In YouTube and Instagram updates posted last week, the new mama announced that she was postponing her fall tour with rockstar Bruno Mars because she needs to focus on raising her baby. 

“Doing a tour with Bruno Mars at the biggest arenas…. I won’t be able to dance properly, do choreography … and my mind is so weird,” she said. “Postpartum shit, it’s real.”

Check out her full diatribe below:

On a personal note, I was practically rolling on the ground when Cardi says her baby is like “gimme the milk NOW!” 

Anyone who’s had a newborn can attest to this. 

Or, as Cardi B puts it, “There’s this feeling that as soon as the baby came out that I have … it’s like … I can’t leave my baby for one second.”

[RELATED: Cardi B Sets a Bar for Playing a Gig While Pregnant]

Fortunately for her, Cardi B is a zillionaire and can afford to take a break from her career. But so many mothers cannot. Maternity leave — or rather, paid maternity leave — isn’t a government-granted privilege.

Most employers don’t give nearly enough paid time off (if they give any at all) to employees. The women at my kids’ daycare, for example, typically only take two or three weeks off before they have to go back to work. Because they’re hourly workers, and not salaried workers, they don’t receive disability payments or any compensation for not working. As this article rightly pointed out, maternity leave is an elite benefit. 

“I respect mothers more than ever now,” said Cardi B in her video. “I see mothers differently.” 

Let’s hope Cardi B’s realizations can lead to some advocacy for the millions of Americans who aren’t offered a single day off work following the birth or adoption of a child, and the 1 in 4 new moms go back to work 10 days after childbirth, according to PL+US research. 

Marisa Torrieri Bloom is the founder and editor of Rockmommy.

Should Rocker Moms Change the Way They Dress After Having Kids? I Say No.

On the cover of my album “Sex & Guitars,” which I released more than ten years ago, I’m wearing a vinyl miniskirt, leaning back in a bed, guitar in arms, eyes seductively gazing into the camera. 

marisa-mini1I still love seeing this photo of me in my pre-kids, pre-marriage days — although (sadly) I don’t wear the vinyl skirt much anymore for lack of opportunity (it doesn’t feel quite right for a PTA meeting or mommy-and-me gym class). Perhaps I shouldn’t be sad: The black vinyl skirt represented a sexy, racy moment in 2008 that resonated with the album’s theme — love, careless flings and heartbreak. That moment felt amazing to live, and is wonderful to remember. 

Fast forward to 2018, and I’m a mom of two very young boys. And while I still rock a tight dress, I feel a little weird when I put clothes on that are provocative and un-momlike, at least in the traditional sense. This is true whether I’m going out with my girlfriends or playing a gig. 

[RELATED: “Baby Clothes with Guitars and Gender Roles”]

I’m not necessarily surprised by my feelings. Women are frequently slut-shamed for how they dress, and still expected to carry on differently when they become wives and mothers. I’ve heard more than one comment from certain relatives that I should give up bikinis in the summertime, although I find one-piece bathing suits uncomfortable. As such, there’s a tiny voice on rock show nights that asks, “Marisa, is that really appropriate for a mother to wear?” 

So today, as a favor to myself, I’m posting this photo of me in my favorite black mini dress, the stretchy one I tend to wear onstage these days, my parental status and age damned. I work out and eat healthfully — why shouldn’t I wear what I want? But even if I didn’t work out and eat healthfully, I should still be entitled to wear what I want. 

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From my band Grandma’s Mini’s DC gig at The Pinch in September 2017

I wholeheartedly believe in self expression: Anyone, regardless of their size or shape, should be able to wear the clothes that most resonate with their spirit, and makes them feel most beautiful. While there are certain events that dictate style — for example, I wouldn’t wear a vinyl skirt to a church service or a crop top to a parent-teacher conference — why should having kids mean I have to stifle my self expression on stage, when I am performing?

Of course, some have said my kids may feel weird as they get older, seeing mom dressing like a 25-year-old in a concert hall. But maybe they shouldn’t. Maybe we should challenge ageism and the idea that women who flaunt their bodies should cover up the minute they get pregnant, never reverting to their carefree youths. Maybe challenging flawed ideals will help our children embrace their own inner rockstars, however such self-expression manifests itself, when they are performing or creating art. 

OK, that was a mouthful. 

In all seriousness, I’d love to hear from my readers in the comments: Should rocker moms dress less provocatively after becoming parents? If so, to what extent? Are there any limits to self-expression in parenthood?

Marisa Torrieri Bloom is the founder and editor of Rockmommy

Getting Emotional Over Rockstar Dave Grohl’s Daddy Moment

David Grohl is a rockstar in every sense of the word. I learned this firsthand when I finally got to see the Foo Fighters last night at a sold-out show at Madison Square Garden. He growls, yelps, roars and plays guitar like a motherf*cker — he also drops plenty of F-bombs, which is OK for him because, you know, he gets paid to drop them. It’s part of being Dave Grohl (I’ll try to remember that next time I feel guilty for cursing at my son’s daycare).

I could write a prolific review of his band’s sensational performance last night, a set that spanned the band’s 23 years of making music. But you can fetch a well-written review on plenty of other sites like this one.

[RELATED: Johnny Clay of Ants Ants Ants Discusses Making Music and ‘Soaking it All In’]

Instead, I’ll touch on what I found to be the most heartwarming part of the Foo Fighters’ performance: Daddy Grohl inviting his 12-year-old daughter Violet Grohl onstage to sing backup for several new songs: My favorite, by far, “The Sky is a Neighborhood”:

It is abundantly clear that Grohl is over the moon for his oldest little girl — between the hugs and his constant praise of her performance (he called her “the shining light and love of my life” during Monday’s set at MSG!). And it’s also pretty clear that she looks up to him, curse words and adult reminiscing of stoner days be damned. They had this funny exchange in the second half of the 2.5-hour set, where she was rolling her eyes at him, and he was embarrassing her with praise.

Here she is on the big screen:

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Violet Grohl, singing backup for the Foo Fighters on 7/17/2018

As a mom, I can only hope things are this great when my kids are 12!

Marisa Torrieri Bloom is the founder and editor of Rockmommy.

Rockdaddy Johnny Clay of Ants Ants Ants Discusses Making Music and ‘Soaking it All In’

Each month, Rockmommy talks to parents who make music about life, work, play time and more. Today, we chat with rockdaddy Johnny Clay of Ants Ants Ants, a fun (and family friendly) musical project. Scroll down to check out their new music video for “Pinwheel” Ants Ants Ants

Rockmommy: When you think about fatherhood, what do you love best about being a dad?

Johnny Clay I love seeing them experience things – it definitely takes you back to being a kid and remembering what it was like. Hearing their perspective on things too. I’m lucky in that I get to walk my daughter to school every morning, and our walks are filled with her questions and observations about the world around her. I hope she never stops wondering about the world and asking questions.

Rockmommy: Tell me about your latest musical project — how did it come about?

Johnny Clay: It’s been a long time in the making. Friends have been encouraging me to write a kids’ record since our almost 8-year-old was born. But it wasn’t until we starting seeing clips of classic Sesame Street songs and School House Rock songs that I really got inspired to do it. Such wonderful music. And when I saw “The Point” by Harry Nilsson again, that put it over the top.

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Rockmommy: Has your music changed since you became a dad? If yes, how so?

Johnny Clay: Well, I certainly wouldn’t have gone down this path as a songwriter had it not been for the kids – both our soon to be 8 year old and our 5 year old daughters are constantly inspiring new song ideas. The way kids think about things and notice things is just so amazing.  Whether it’s pointing out the “helicopter leaves” falling on the way to school, or asking what the biggest animal in the world is (and not believing how big a blue whale really is), their curiosity about the world around them is just so cool.

Rockmommy: What’s it like trying to balance music with parenthood? Are there other factors in the mix — e.g., time with a spouse or partner, a day job to pay the bills, etc.? Is your partner involved in the music project?

Johnny Clay: It’s definitely an adventure. I’m very, very fortunate in that music is my full-time job, so the kids are growing up with music constantly in their lives. They both feel comfortable hanging out in the studio with me and they see how songs get put together. I love seeing them sit down at the piano or the drums or whatever and play the instruments, see what they sound like. It’s not all on a computer. My wife Christi is a musician as well and so music is definitely a constant in our lives.

Rockmommy: What’s your advice to other rockin’ dads?

Johnny Clay: Probably the same advice I was given years ago: just to try and soak up this time with the kids, because it really does go by so fast. And of course keep rockin’!

Marisa Torrieri Bloom is the founder and editor of Rockmommy.

Finding Time to Practice in the Midst of a Busy Life

by Marisa Torrieri Bloom

Most days, I wake up way too early, work out, rush to get my kids off to school/camp, and before I have three minutes to meditate, have to rush off again to do something again (like dishes, writing or some other paid freelance assignment). I’m super lucky, being able to make money as a creative person, while balancing motherhood and wifedom.

But until recently, I started losing track of my real #lifegoals — to play guitar like a goddess, play shows at clubs and write original music (I also want to write and publish my science fiction novel in progress, but that’s a different blog for a different day!).

Needless to say, it’s easy to get too busy one day and neglect your art, and before you know it, the days add up. I’m super close to saying f*ck it — why bother trying to make a rock video (a big life goal), play a show with a full band (like the one I left behind in NYC), or record an album? I’m too busy mothering/working/playing covers with the only female musician I know who lives two blocks from my house.

[RELATED: Me Time = Learning the Guitar Riffs for a Western Classic]

But about a month ago, I started feeling that spark again. I don’t know how, or why, but it hit me: I live to play music, and to create.

So I’ve decided to try something new: Three or four times a week, I have been spending 40 minutes to one hour in the morning working on music. And I’ve clocked in two hours a week working on this blog and my novel. Sometimes it’s hard to stay motivated, which is why I’m doing most of my creative stuff in the mornings (unlike lots of sexy rockstar artists, I’m a morning person, not a night owl like rockmommy  Jennifer Deale of Camp Crush). And I must say, while I feel like a dork for doing creative stuff at the crack of dawn when most of the good rockstars are sleeping, it feels phenomenal and fulfilling to create again.

[RELATED: 5 Great Signature Guitars Designed for — and Inspired by — Female Rock Guitarists]

I’d love to hear from you gals (and guys) out there. How do you carve out time to be creative? Are you a night owl, or do you force yourself to wake up early/skip other stuff like cleaning to make it happen?

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Marisa Torrieri Bloom is the founder and editor of Rockmommy.

Stay-at-Home Rockin’ Dad Gunnar Madsen on Parenthood & New Projects

This month, Rockmommy talks to rocker dads about music and work-life balance. Here, we chat with Gunnar Madsen about his new projects (including a new video co-created by his 15-year-old son) and parenthood. I Am Food Cover 300 Square
 

Rockmommy: What do you love best about being a dad?

Gunnar Madsen: I love working on being a better dad all the time. The idea that there is no end to parenting used to scare me – in school or in work, every project has a due date, or a production, or has a finished product. But the growth of a child is never-ending, it presents constant new challenges, things I could never have imagined. And the learning goes on and on, no due date, no completion. That’s an amazing teaching to get ahold of.

Rockmommy: Tell me about your latest musical project,  “I Am Your Food”  — how did it come about?

Gunnar Madsen: I’ve been a stay-at-home dad for all of my son’s school years (he’s 15 now). Parenting took up much of my time, but in spare moments I dreamed of my next album, and I had the idea that it could be about food (which I love). I wrote some of the songs from this album over the course of many years. It’s only in the past 2 years, as my son matured and required less of my time, that I was able to focus on bringing this album to fruition – finishing up the writing of the songs, recording them, and preparing to launch the project.

Rockmommy: Has your music changed since you became a dad? If yes, how so?

Gunnar Madsen: I think the things I’m learning from fatherhood, like patience, generosity, and a greater awareness of myself and who I am, are coming through in my creative life. I’m still writing funny, sometimes goofy, songs, but I sense a different spirit in them.

Rockmommy: What’s it like trying to balance music with parenthood? Are there other factors in the mix — e.g., time with a spouse or partner, a day job to pay the bills, etc.?   Is your partner involved in the music project?

Gunnar Madsen: The main shift in my music career came when our son was born. It was not reasonable to go on tour and leave my partner at home alone with the care of a baby. And I didn’t want to be away, — the gravitational pull of fatherhood kept me at home. I continued performing locally, but over time my desire to perform diminished. I found that I was happiest just writing music at home, and left the stage. Luckily, being a stay-at-home composer and a stay-at-home dad work pretty well together. My partner is not involved in my music – she’s has a store she runs with her mother, antiques and fine things for the home and such, which has paid the bulk of our bills over the past years. But I trust her opinions very much, and share everything I’m working on with her to see what she thinks.

Rockmommy: What’s your advice to other rockin’ dads?

Gunnar Madsen: If you’ve got to rock, you’ve got to rock. It’s not like I made a decision to become a musician. It was a calling, a fire burning inside, that wouldn’t allow me to do anything else. It has maybe saved my life, it’s a joy, and it’s also caused a heap of trouble and pain. I can imagine a whole lot of easier ways to get through life, but this is the only way I know how to do it 🙂 In the end, I’m grateful for having such a passion.

Gunnar Madsen on Fire (1)

— Marisa Torrieri is the editor and founder of Rockmommy